Saturday, October 24, 2009

La Mirada #6-Tolerance Threshold

-mariposita de mi alma, mantente firme-
-little butterfly of my soul, hang in there-

Usually I'm not one of many words in these posts. But I guess a threshold has been reached. I've been having nerve pains in my right calf for some weeks. I had them before. That time I went to my physiotherapist who treated it with neurodynamic physiotherapy and told me to stretch more often after biking and fitness. This time, I went to my MD for my flu-shot, told her about my pain and that I suspected two nerves in my right leg where blocked again-sorry, I don't speak the jargon, but I know where they are. I asked if it would be a good idea to repeat physiotherapy. Since she couldn't trigger the pain-a nerve that fires for no reason causes pain independent from any movement, makes sense?!-she told me physio wouldn't be of much help. She gave me a prescription for pain meds-ibuprofen-and told me to come back in TWO weeks... After a week on meds to no avail, I decided to go to my physiotherapist at my own cost-thank God I can do that. He treated me twice. It hurt like hell. He told me it would and when I cried after he loosened up some right foot ligament and two nerves that I knew were causing the pain (!), he sat with me and encouraged me to cry and let it all out. "Old pain," he said. He's a dear.
My leg is better. I wonder what my MD would have done if I had gone back after two more weeks of agony, so easily resolved? Stronger meds? Imaging no doubt. Pain clinic? A shrink? Sometimes I feel my doctor, whom I know for 20 years, approaches me like I'm some moron-sorry, I'm angry-with no idea or awareness of what might be going on. I wonder if I should spend another 30$ on a consult with her to tell her it's resolved, thanks to my own initiative-again. I don't really want to. I'll tell her when I go for my next flu-shot. Makes sense!

She did say something that was useful though-it's not all bad-she has those moments, it's probably why I've been sticking with her. She spoke about pain thresholds in cancer patients. She compared it with the pain threshold in battered children. I also had my share of that. It's about a limit to what can be tolerated. When it's reached, the smallest of pain can be too much to bear. I guess there's something like an emotional tolerance threshold as well. I think I'm there. I'm worn out. I often think about my childhood in these situations. I was a tenacious little kid, though my parents called me stubborn. I still have that attitude: I WILL NOT give in/up. It comes with a price.
To think I have to mobilize all my energy and tenacity to get some help with something as ridiculously simple to treat?! Here's "Mariposita de mi alma, mantente firme." Sorry for the rant.


Momo Luna said...

First of all what a beautiful drawing! I love it very, very much.
Second: you're a strong, clever lady i think. Good for you to go to your physiotherapist, and i'm glad it worked out. I have a doctor who is honest: i had problems with breathing and after some tests in the hospital and they couldn't find out what it was, my doctor honestly said that he didn't know what was going on. Not that it helped, but he didn't gave me medicins which i don't need. And the problem stayed for awhile: it seemed that i have a rare muscle disease and with me it's mostly concentrated on my eyes and breathing muscles. Na wat bezoekjes aan een ongeïnteresseerde neuroloog moet ik helaas bekennen dat ik geen hoge pet op heb van de medische wereld helaas.

Stay that clever stubborn kid. I'm happy that you will not give in/up.

Sweet greetz for you!

Leslie Avon Miller said...

I admire how you proceed with life - and are your own best friend. You get your needs met. Good for you and that stubborn little girl. (I was one too. A useful character trait!)

Four Seasons in a Life said...

Medicine is not straight forward and the interpretations of specialists are many, a surprise if the agree at all.

No one knows ones body as good as the owner of ones own body, therefore it is important to listen to ones own feelings and what the heart says.

Wising you a wonderful weekend and all the best

Pete said...

That's a fantastic drawing. And compelling words. I can't even comment about healthcare issues at this point, being an American. It's a different kind of "Pain threshold" game.
Hope you're feeling better soon.

JafaBrit's Art said...

I appreciated your rant because it is honest and gives an insight into where your art is coming from. I like you Ria, your stubborn determination, your work and your courage. the drawing is just fantastic.
Keep ranting on :)

ria said...

Thank you all for this! It's much appreciated :) I'll treasure the kid for sure. Sorry to hear you're having your share of med-problems as well Monica, aaarrrgh-verdomme-wees ook maar koppig bij momenten! Take care!