Inner Landscape #15-Insomnia

Oils on paper, 20 by 27 inches.

I have bouts of insomnia. I blame my meds. Being kept hyper to keep the thyroid cancer under control turns against me that way sometimes. Some nights I get up and look down the moon lit street. Some nights I lie awake and find how after my cancer treatments, my old frustrations and old desires that went lurking under the surface during treatments, come stare me in the face. I could get awfully bored before cancer, deadly bored I used to say. I still have that, this inner drive to do and feel alive. During the cancer treatments, I went into basic energy mode, I turned inwards and geared towards coping and survival. Now, it seems that inner drive to live fully got much stronger, with an added sense of urgency. Insomnia sharply confronts me with time. Lost time.

Inner Landscape #14-The Path

digital print, study for a painting. Big, probably ;)

5 years ago today I had my left breast amputated. For some reason, this year more than the previous cancerversaries, I'm actively reminiscing the events leading up to the surgeries. The events that so radically changed my body and my life.

But look :) in the photo, where the tree branches are getting entangled and you can't see which is which anymore, where the darkness is most intense, that's where the brightest light is ....