Spectre

Photo, self portrait.

I look for me

a poem by Marjoleine de Vos

So if I am my body

not a princess in a tower, no butterfly

unfolding from its cocoon

biology my existence, blood

breath, bowel and lung and all those toes-

how is it then that I hardly know them

the half drowned liver, the industrious kidney

that I stay ignorant of the daily struggle

in heart and carotid, the effort in my skull

for me alone while I

remain inside blindfolded

deaf for synaptic labor and neuron power

talk of my soul and bang on doors

the body closed that claims my actions

attacks me flatters and seduces me, makes me shiver

and sing and that I am, so they say.

(translated by me from Dutch to English)